I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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