I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
