I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
