dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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