He is an equal opportunity slut.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
