Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
