so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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