I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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