So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
