Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
