You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
