I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
