wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
