It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
