I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
