My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
pray to the hookup gods
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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