Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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