im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
