look no pants
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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