i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
