I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
