laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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