Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
