god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
