you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i now understand why vodka
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
