Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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