Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
