operation have a gay friend backfired
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
