I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
