Don't make out with my wife yet
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
