So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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