So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
