If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
