I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
