dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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