The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
