I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
