Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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