I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
