i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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