Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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