imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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