btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
