You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
