god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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