is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just cropdusted the office
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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