I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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