Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
