if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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