There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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