please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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