Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
