I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
