I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
