After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
