somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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