your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I wish there were birth control emojis
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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