i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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