I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
