I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
