She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
